Archive | August, 2012
Aside 27 Aug

Dear Kids,

This Guy.  Your dad.

He is amazing.

I know you already know that.  After all, you all have placed him at hero status.  As he deserves to be seeing he is an AMAZING father to each of you.

But he is so much more than that.

He is the most wonderful husband.  The most trustworthy and loyal friend.  An unbelieveable caretaker. The funniest person I have ever met.  A straight-shooter (don’t ask him his opinion if you aren’t ready to be hit with it).  Honest.  He is kind and forgiving.

And I am so in love with him.

I can’t wait for you all to grow and be able to develop a relationship with him that has so many facets.

You guys are so lucky he is in your life.  We all are.  The world is.

Three cheers for the absolute greatest guy we know.  He deserves them.

Hip, Hip Hooray!  Hip, Hip, Hooray! Hip, Hip Hooray!

Love, love, love you guys.

Love,

Mom

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Aside

This past Sunda…

24 Aug

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This past Sunday An and I took Tony and Cammie to their first concert. Big Time Rush.  Or BTR if you are in-the-know.

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We’ve had these tickets for months now.  A spring-time splurge that I had been looking forward to with each passing month.  We chose to keep the concert a surprise for the kids.  So we added a few more of the band’s songs to our playlists and drew their  attention to the television ads that talked about the summer tour but we didn’t let them in our little secret until last night.

We took the two of them out for dinner and surprised them with the tickets over our meal.  Either they were excited or the cupcake they split for dessert had something a lot stronger than sugar in it.

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The whole evening I was trying to soak it all up.  Retain every ounce of goodness that was present.  I love surprising people and treating my kids. (Giving really is better than receiving).  Their first live concert was a small milestone and I had promised myself  I wouldn’t miss an ounce of their excitement or energy.

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I spent the whole evening watching my two kids.  Really watching them.  Paying attention to the way Cammie squeezes both hands into little fists and draws them to her face when she’s excited.  The way Tony will shyly smile but keep his eyes down at the ground when he’s trying to play it cool and contain his emotions.  How every once in a while he will bite his bottom lip when the nervousness and excitement get a little too much for him.  How both of them unknowingly start speaking at volumes near a scream when they are really excited about something.

At one point as I was watching Cammie dance on her chair to the opening act when I looked down our row a few seats and noticed another little girl almost the exact same age as Cammie sitting directly across the aisle.  She and Cammie were wearing almost the same outfit:  bright, sparkly light-up shoes, denim shorts and their Big Time Rush t-shirts.

As I was taking in this little girl and her family I noticed that her mother was wearing a “Make A Wish.” pin on her shirt.  And then I noticed that the little girl was too.  All of a sudden her family’s wristbands, backstage badges, concert backpacks and the soveniur book that the little girl kept flipping through all pulled together.

I spent the next two songs fighting back tears thinking how we were out for a memorable Sunday night and at the same time another family was also trying to make their own memories.  Only, sadly, the reason that they were there making those memories was because that little girl was very sick.

With people in our world doing unexplainably shitty things like the shootings in Colorado or Wisconsin, and the shitty hands that life can sometimes deal to you or your loved ones, I’m constantly faced with the realization that our current happiness could be shattered at any moment.  Having children has raised that fear to new levels and it can become crippling if you let it. 

With each doctor’s appointment that ends with a “go to the hospital tomorrow morning and have them look at that mass,” each bike ride down the street, each field trip to the pool, each trip to a crowded fairground, and each  buckle of a car seat there is a fear that the moment of health and happiness will only be fleeting.

I don’t let that fear lead me.  Yes, that is reality.  Yes, bad things can and do happen to good, undeserving people.  But we can’t focus on that because it is wasted energy.  Instead we try to live our lives to the fullest and with an abundance of love.  We try and make the most of every thing we do, always.  And we try and not thing about all of the “what ifs” that exist in the world.

But every once in awhile I am smacked in the face with moments of “that could be our family” and the emotions become overwhelming.  This was one of those moments. 

I wanted to run across that aisle and squeeze that little girl’s mom.  Tell her I was so sorry for her, my heart hurt for her, I would pray for her and her family, and that she was so brave.  Because any mother who can cast aside her pain and fear and dance with the best of them to show her child a good time, who can focus on the positives and not the negatives, who can actively engage in making happy memories instead of curling up in a ball weeping  because their child is ill IS brave.  I know enough to know that that is a type of pain I can’t even begin to imagine.  The jumble of emotions that I felt, gratitude, sadness, sympathy, fear, all made me want to just go and squeeze that woman.

But I didn’t do that for a slew of reasons.

Instead I squeezed my own kids a little closer, thanked God for our family’s current health and made a donation to the Make A Wish Foundation.  Because tonight I am lucky to be on the right side of life’s aisle. 

As Big Time Rush says “you’ve only got one life so you better live it big time.”

A Letter to My Children

22 Aug

My Darlings,

There are so many things that I would like to share with you.  Sometimes I wonder how I will ever be able to convey to you all of the things that I believe.  But then I am comforted by the fact that I do not have to.  While I do want you to know the beliefs and values I personally find important it is only so you will better understand me as a person; because those beliefs and values make me who I am.  It is not because I want to force you to hold the same beliefs.  So if some things go unsaid- I know it will be ok  because in your life you will develop your own beliefs.

With that said, here is something that I have found to be true:

DO NOT TRUST PEOPLE WHO SAY THEY HAVE NO REGRETS.  It means that they are not learning or maturing.

Having a regret or wishing you had acted differently in a certain situation means that you were able to learn from a mistake you made.  Or it means you recognize that you might have made a poor decision in your past.  It takes character and maturity to be able to evaluate yourself and your actions like this.

I am certainly not saying you should dwell on your regrets.  Or play the “coulda, woulda, shoulda” game.  Quite the opposite actually.  The past is the past and what is done is done.  There is no point in fretting or dwelling on the things you cannot change.

But that is different than regret.  To regret something means you should be able to look back at those things and think to yourself “If I could go back and behave differently I would.”  To be able to say that shows growth.

So if you come across someone in your life who says thye have never regretted anything that they have said or done, please watch out for them.  The aren’t showing the character that personal growth requires.

I love you all more than I can ever convey to you.  While I know that there can not be life without regret (because, hey, we’re human and everyone makes mistakes, bunches of them actually), I wish for you a life where you never have to regret the same thing more than once.

All My Love, from now until the end of time,

Mom

It’s 3:01 am

17 Aug

It’s never good to hear one of your kids calling your name at 2:30 in the morning. 

And it certainly is not good to hear them say “I am so sorry I peed on the carpet” as soon as they see your face.

And it is even worse when you hear “I don’t know where.  I forget.  But I’ll try and find it with my foot.”

But if you’re going to be stuck looking for a human pee stain on your upstairs rug in the middle of the night, thank goodness it’s for a little girl who tried to change herself and got tangled in her tank top and was so relieved that you weren’t angry with her for peeing on the carpet that in between every comment like:

“Did you find it yet?”

“Why is this soap white?”

“I might have to poop.  Nope I don’t have to poop.  I bet tomorrow I have to poop.”

“Tell me about behaving good and bad again like you did today.”

“Say ‘kids’ not boys and girls.”

“No, ‘kids’ not children.”

“Are your eyes closing?”

“If you were going to paint your nails right now would you use purple or blue polish?”

“Guess what kind of cake Aunt Jenn is going to have for her birthday.”

“I don’t know what kind of cake she’s having.  I just wanted you to guess.”

“Are you sure I have to go to bed and that it’s not morning yet?”

she kept telling you how much she loved you.